


An Olive Branch

by OnceUponaSwanQueen



Category: Holby City
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 22:06:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10626069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceUponaSwanQueen/pseuds/OnceUponaSwanQueen
Summary: Bernie doesn't know why she needs to tell Serena the truth, she just knows that Serena deserves to know why she lied about her divorce and why she couldn't tell her about Alex.Canon up until "The Cowards Way."





	

**Author's Note:**

> I have never written for this fandom before, and I don't know what this is. I just wanted to write something where Bernie tells Serena about why she didn't tell her the truth about her divorce.

It had been three weeks since Bernie had been outed, partly by her own idiocy. She knew that if she hadn’t been so terrified about Marcus finding out the truth, her sexuality would not have become the talking point of the hospital, if she had trusted Dr. Copeland with her secret. It had also been weeks where Serena had sniped at her, and looked at her with something scarily like betrayal.

She understood why Serena was mad at her, they had been building towards something, they were becoming friends and Serena had been so open and honest about her divorce and Bernie had not only lied to her about the circumstances of her own divorce, Serena had learned of it through the Holby grapevine. That is not even taking in hand that Serena Campbell clearly hated adultery, and Bernie couldn’t blame her. Bernie hated that she had hurt Serena, she hated that she hadn’t been able to face the truth, she hated that she hadn’t been brave enough to just tell Marcus the real reason why she wanted a divorce.

But Berenice Griselda Wolfe did not do feelings very well, she ran from them when they got to real. It was part of the reason why she had married Marcus in the first place, he was easy. They were best friends, and he had asked, and it had been _easy_. She figured that that was how it was supposed to be, that passion her friends talked about was just because they thought it was supposed to be like that. Marcus was easy and fun and she loved him. She really did. It just took her a long time to realize she wasn’t in love with him. It wasn’t fire and passion, but why did it have to be?

 (It turns out it should have been, it should have felt like her world was on fire when they kissed, she should have longed after him when she was gone, she should have missed more than his company. Kissing Alex felt like that.)

It’s gotten better with Serena over the last week though, Bernie didn’t know what had changed but suddenly it was like a shift in the atmosphere. They were not back to where they were, Bernie wasn’t sure they ever would be. Serena was clearly and understandably hurt, and all Bernie had needed to do was tell the truth. But the truth terrified her, the truth had kept her in a unhappy marriage for twenty-five years because it was easier.

Bernie was determined to fix things with Serena though. She couldn’t even explain why she was so determined, and she was scared of what she would realize if she looked closer at it. She just knew she had to fix it. And fix it she would.

 “Serena.” Bernie said as she flagged down Serena on her way out of the hospital. Bernie may or may not have timed her departure to match with Serena’s. The only person who knew that she had been waiting for over half an hour was Dr. Copeland, and she had learned that he could be trusted with her secrets. Whatever they may be.

“Ah. Ms. Wolfe.” Serena said, “Whatever may I help you with.”

The Ms.Wolfe hurt, but was not entirely unexpected. It didn’t deter her from her mission though. She was going to tell Serena the whole story. She made up her mind, she just needed booze first. Preferably, a rather big amount.

“I wondered if you would be up for a drink?” Bernie asked. It wasn’t the first time she had asked over these last few weeks, every couple of days she would ask, hoping the answer would change. So far it hadn’t.

“I don’t know.” Serena said, and Bernie could tell she was thinking about it. She had noticed that Serena seemed more tired lately, more stressed. And that the idea of Shiraz was probably very tempting. “Well, Jason is staying with his friend Alan tonight.”

“Is that a yes?” Bernie asked hopefully.

“If you’re buying.” Serena said, and actually smiled. Bernie didn’t have the time or energy to defer what that smile made her feel. She was going to handle on thing at a time, and the first thing on her list was apologizing to Serena and try to explain why she had lied.

“Of course. Consider it an olive branch.” Bernie said, feeling lighter than she had done in years.

\--

The two women walked into Albie’s, the pub was crowded by the usual suspects but Bernie hoped that they wouldn’t get interrupted. She had almost asked Serena if they could go somewhere else, but she didn’t want to push her luck. Besides, wine and drinks at Albie’s was familiar, easy. It was one of the things that made her like she was starting to belong at Holby.

“Shiraz, I presume?” Bernie asked as they way to the bar.

“Yes. Thank you.” Serena said. Bernie placed their order, and they waited in slightly uncomfortable silence for their drinks to be ready, when they arrived, they grabbed their drinks and found a table in the back. Bernie noted that Serena had chosen a seat surrounded by what Bernie was pretty sure was ambulance workers and rather on the opposite side of where the Keller and AAU doctors and nurses usually found themselves.

“I’m sorry.” Bernie said as soon as they sat down.

“We can draw a veil over all of that.” Serena said, and Bernie almost took the out. She didn’t have tell the truth.  But she should, right? She should be brave for once. Wasn’t that what she had told Dom? That if only she had been a little bit braver? She wanted that. She wanted to be brave. She should been brave when she told Marcus she wanted the divorce but she hadn’t found words. Words, like feelings, had never been her strong suit.

“You deserve an explanation, Serena.” Bernie said, taking another swig of her wine.

“You don’t owe me anything, Bernie.” Serena said, “You don’t owe anyone anything.”

But Serena felt like she did, she owed so many things to so many people, but Serena was here and she was the easiest to deal with. Her kids hated her, and they refused to talk to her. She owned them so much too, and she had let them down so much. She knew that she had hurt a lot of people, but she could fix this.

“Maybe not.” Bernie said, “But I want you to understand why I couldn’t tell you…” Bernie had practiced this for weeks, trying to figure out why she hadn’t told Serena the truth. Why she hadn’t told Marcus. She had been so ready to. She had left Holby with every intention of telling Marcus everything. But then, she had walked into the house, looked into his eyes, and lied. Lied as she had done every time she had been on leave for the last couple of years, lied as she had done about Alex, lied as she had done about who she was. Lying had become so second nature, that she had completely forgotten what the truth actually was.

Maybe she should just jump into it. After all, thinking is what always got her in trouble.

“I’m gay.” Bernie said, and she can’t actually believe she said it. Out loud. To someone else.

“And?” Serena said.

“That’s the first time I’ve ever said that.” Bernie admitted, “I’m fifty-one years old, and I have never said that out loud.”

“Bernie…” Serena began, but it was clear that she wasn’t sure what she was expected to say to that.

“I didn’t tell you about Alex, because I wasn’t ready to talk about Alex. You poured your heart out about your divorce, and I didn’t say that I was the reason for my marriage breaking apart because I wasn’t ready to face the truth.”

“I’m sorry.” Serena said, “I was hurt that you didn’t trust me. I was hurt that you cheated for reasons that has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me.”

“I didn’t tell you this so you’d feel sorry for me.” Bernie said, “I said it because… because.” She paused. Why had it been so important for her to tell this to Serena? Because she wanted her to know her? Because she needed to tell someone?

“I told you because I wanted you to know.” Bernie said, “I wanted someone to know.”

“How did you know?” Serena said, “Or is that one of those things you aren’t supposed to ask? I’m sorry, I don’t know.” Serena admitted.

“I don’t know either,” Bernie said with a laugh. “Before I was so outed, so to speak, the only people who knew I kissed women were Alex and Dr. Copeland.”

“Alex was the woman, wasn’t she?” Serena asked, and Bernie could tell that she was curious but not mean or probing. She just wanted to know.

“Yes.” Bernie said, “I was married for twenty-five years.” Bernie starting, struggling to find the words the wanted to say to Serena. The words she had been struggling to say for most of her life. “I liked Marcus, he was nice and he was funny, and he loved me. So I married him. I didn’t know anything else. I didn’t know how it was supposed to be.”

Bernie paused, took some more wine, before continuing. “Alex was beautiful, maybe the most beautiful woman I ever met. But that wasn’t what attracted me to her. She understood me in ways I had never been understood before. And when she kissed me, everything suddenly made sense.”

“You didn’t know?” Serena asked.

“Pathetic right? There I was, a few years shy of fifty and blissfully unaware that I was gay. I’m not saying that suddenly everything made sense, and that I wasn’t terrified. Of course I was terrified, I’m still terrified.” Bernie admitted. It was easy talking to Serena, easier than she thought it would be.

“No.” Serena said, and reached over the table to take Bernie’s hand. The action surprised Bernie, even before their fall out they hadn’t been the kind of friends that were touchy-feely. She wasn’t really a touchy-feely person. She used to feel guilty about it when it came to her kids and to Marcus. She wasn’t the kind of person who freely gave out hugs or kisses not even to her children. She liked her personal space, but this didn’t feel intruding. It felt safe.

“I won’t presume to know how you feel, or how any of this feels, but I know something about finding out something that turns your entire life upside down. Did you know, I didn’t even know I had a sister until my mother died?”

“No.” Bernie said, “I didn’t.”

“Well, it came as a surprise and everything since then have been a whirlwind. I love Jason, but I have to admit having him live with me and everything has been harder than I expected. My life looks nothing like I thought it would at this age.” Serena admitted, “So, no I don’t think it’s pathetic you didn’t know until now.”

“I made an awful mess out of things though.” Bernie said, “My children won’t talk to me, I’m the laughing stock of the hospital, Alex is gone, my friendship with Dr. Copeland is fragile at best, and my friendship with you…”

“Your friendship with me is intact, Bernie.” Serena said, and squeezed Bernie’s hand. “I should have let you explain yourself instead of reacting to the gossip. I must admit I thought the worst of you.”

“You had every reason to. I lied to you.” Bernie said.

“I suspect this kind of things take a whole lot of courage.” Serena said, “Probably a different kind of courage than the one that it takes to perform surgery in a war zone.”

“That’s the thing, before the IED hit; I didn’t feel brave being in Afghanistan. I never saw active duty, but my family is military. My dad and both my brothers were in the army, I always knew that I would join them too. It didn’t feel like bravery.” Bernie admitted, “But this? This is the scariest thing I have ever done.”

“You shouldn’t worry too much; your children will come around.” Bernie said, “God knows, Elinor never seemed to have a problem with her cheating bastard of a father for too long.”

“I shouldn’t have lied to them to. I shouldve’..” Bernie said.

“Should’ve, could’ve. It doesn’t matter. We’ve all made mistakes in our lives, Bernie.” Serena said, “Would things have been easier if you’d figured things out earlier, if you hadn’t lied to your husband, if you hadn’t sent that email to the wrong person? Probably. But that doesn’t matter now. You can’t change the past, but you can move on and built a new future.”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re smart, Ms. Campbell?” Bernie said and smiled. This whole evening had gone better than expected. Her life might still be in shambles, she was living in a pathetic little flat, sleeping on a terrible futon, her kids isn’t taking to her and her husband will probably try to take every last penny she’d ever earned, but she had Serena back.

“Maybe once or twice.” Serena said, and smiled that way that had had Bernie star-struck from the moment they met. Bernie knew there was more she had to deal with, more she had to handle. But she also knew that didn’t matter tonight. Tonight, the only thing that mattered was her, Serena and the bottle of Shiraz they were currently drinking.


End file.
